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FYI

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Dear Internet,

I was thinking today that France is pretty lucky that they have a governing body to pay attention to the preservation of the integrity of their language. Now, I am not about to suggest that language should cease to be influenced by others, but I am most decidedly against wanton bastardization of English that is often the result of playing fast and loose with grammar and spelling. So, I present to you, a PSA on language, from your friend Megan.

1. “weary” is not the same as “wary”

2. “loose” is not the same as “lose”

3. There are two forms of the word that contains the letters y, o, u, and r. They, too, mean different things.

4. No matter how hard you wish, “alot” will never be a valid word. Not in Scrabble, and certainly not in life. Sorry.

5. If I have to read the phrase “sneak peak” one. more. time, I swear…I will go even crazier.

6. “Would of”? REALLY? Look, I understand phonetic spelling, and good on you for recognizing that letters make sounds, and by this logic can be used to for words, but let’s be aware of contractions.

7. Quotation marks are often misused, and it’s only hilarious about 12% of the time. Same goes with finger quotes.

I will grant that English is a ridiculous language, idiosyncratic and full of exceptions-to-the-rule, but let’s all agree that we need to learn the rules first and break them second, shall we?

Les nombres

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Dear France (and other French-speaking countries),

I have just been informed that your people are unable to use single words/word pairs for the numbers 70-99. Now, I think we can all agree that that is just plain stupid. I mean, you guys have math, right? And numbers? I know this isn’t a Latin-roots thing, because my Spanish-speaking ass is here to tell you that I can count to 100 (and beyond!) using such handy words as ochenta, and, at worst, setenta y nueve. I ask you, French-speaking nations…what the hell? I love you to death, and am in a constant state of joy that I am visiting your lovely capital in one week, but seriously, get on the ball with the counting– I am freaked enough about the language as it is.

Love,
Megan

P.S. Yeah, I know “nombres” is Spanish for “names,” but seriously, just shut up about it.