So, okay, this started out as a recap and quickly devolved into me making notes and comments. I’ll divide my thoughts and unrequited crushes from actual commentary on the show…you’re welcome.
I get that Project runway has to show off its sponsors and affiliates and all, but come on– it’s the fifth challenge and you’re doing two back-to-back? Campbell’s was more egregious, but the editor of Marie Claire (who looks a bit like Tilda Swinton, don’t you think?) is a bit much as well.
Other shows might do well to show off their also-rans, given that they are sometimes more popular than the actual winners (I’m looking at you, American Idol). On the other hand, does it diminish the win…? Oh, also, it seems sort of needless to have not-Tilda explain that magazine covers are cropped. None of the designers looks that blown away by this opposite-of-earth-shattering news, which is reassuring (good thing Jesus went home last week, otherwise we’d end up with a sick Tiger Beat look).
What’s the twist? Is Heidi pregnant right now?
Let’s review the things that we know Heidi likes, as evidenced by her judging over the years:
- shiny things (season 2 floral challenge)
- expensive-looking things (“It looks cheap, no?” Budget for this challenge is $150, which isn’t terrible by PR standards.)
- things that make her boobs look good (She always seems very concerned that the models’ breasts look ok. I think this must be because of Victoria’s Secret.)
I wonder how the fittings will work– will Heidi just be traipsing from designer to designer? Oh…so the models are showing the clothes, and Heidi just picks what she thinks will look good on her? This seems less interesting than Heidi actually working as their model, but doesn’t necessitate an extra judge.
Oh, also– do these designers never have to deal with time pressure? I know that 24 hours to complete a piece is extreme, but they must have at least had to work with timelines before.
From the clips of judging before commercials: Janean cries (again!), Michael says they’ve never done something before (what could it be? Kicking off two people at once? I feel like that’s happened before…).
Now for the runway show, pictures from which can be found here (and judging, in italics)…
- Amy: I’m glad I didn’t have to watch you construct this monstrosity. Heidi can be boho at times, sure, but that print! Jebus. Also, the rosette? Yikes. She does appear to have stuck to the aesthetic she has going on, though, as this looks a bit like her piece for the farm challenge.
- Seth Aaron: A suit? With what appear to be mutton-chop cleeves? You can’t “guarantee” shit, buddy.
- Jesse: The new Jesus? I can see that model’s vajay. I do like the basketweave on the bodice.
- Anna: Maybe you will be one of those girls who is great at making clothes for yourself and for others with your same look (cute and hip and a little Anthro-like, but pretty straight-up-and-down rather than curvy), but I can’t see you being a mass-market designer. Nina thinks it’s shapeless, not-Tilda uses the phrase “slightly nauseous,” Michael thinks it looks too young for Marie Claire, Heidi thinks it’s well-made but doesn’t push the envelope.
- Anthony: I don’t love it, but it might look pretty cool on a magazine cover. The color really pops, but we’ll see what the judges say. Heidi grins at him and says it makes the model’s body look beautiful, Michael declares the costume drama over (yay, Anthony!), Nina likes it and Anthony is proud to have won some praise from her, not-Tilda loves the color.
- Janeane: At least you don’t suffer from the hubris that some of the other designers seem to. The skirt looks a little stiff, and the little cap sleeves/sleeveless bolero thing? Not a fan. Michael is not impressed by the “sea” inspiration, Heidi thinks it’s not fashion-forward, not-Tilda calls it a “polluted sea” (damn, girl), and Nina comments that it looks bridal. (After Janeane voiced the same concern as she was sewing! Follow your instincts, designers!)
- Mila: Of course you love your dress. Those colors are going to wash Heidi the frick out, though. Michael tells Mila her “peach” looks a little more like “Ace bandage,” Nina notes that the “arrows” are pointing right at the model’s crotch (like in Naked Gun?), not-Tilda harps on the color again.
- Emilio: Good color choice…but it looks a little like a nightie. I am not convinced by those straps. Michael appreciates that Emilio made the silk jersey look structured, not-Tilda says that it would make for a very strong cover, Nina loves the color but says it feels a little “junior” to her, and Emilio cuts the straps off and makes it all grown-up-looking. Apparently that’s what’s never been done before. Yawn.
- Jay: WHOA. That, sir, is volume. Crazy, monochromatic volume. This moves well, and I like the one-shoulder, but I feel like it’s the wrong kind of Too Much for a magazine cover.
- Jonathan: Um. Is that a shirt? And…tap pants? Oh, a romper. Not a fan.
- Maya: Eh. That front seam looks wonky. Not crazy about the colors.
- Ben: Loves it! I’m happy he replaced the belt, and the colors are cool. Maybe not for an April issue (it just hit me why there are so many pastels), but this might be my favorite look of the episode. Michael thinks it’s a good choice, Nina thinks it looks very modern and likes the color combo, Heidi likes the back, not-Tilda says it’s a contender. (YAY!)
The winner (does not get immunity): Anthony, who yelps and asks if the judges “are for real.” I want to hug him. Instead, he hugs Emilio on his way off the runway, and everyone seems very excited for his win,
The loser: Anna. Which makes Janeane bawl. Get it together, lady! Anna, who is sweet, appreciates the opportunity and gives a nice little goodbye.
Next week: New models– little girls! I DIE. Also, oh my god, Jesse is going to snap and kill one of them.
Mila, stop complaining that people didn’t congratulate you on getting second place last time. I know you’re a special snowflake, but come on. You are too old for that shit. Ooh, are you speculating about copying now? Don’t be such a hall monitor. Turns out everyone hates you, and I can’t say that I find anything that compelling to argue against them.
Jay, you are adorable, and appear to have some skillz. You know, apart from the insect-thorax you put your heart disease survivor in last week. Your hair looks fine, trust me. Also, I love your little towel turban! I must confess that Jay and Amy are two of my favorites because they are awesome and are representin’ the Bay Area. Also, chances are slim that there will ever be a contestant from San Jose, so I’ve got to root for whoever is even remotely near.
“Icy color pallette…silver, light blue, and charcoal gray.” Oh, Anna. You are so sweet. But those colors are going to make Heidi look like shit. Also, now is not the time to try to make a crazy amount of pieces. Seventeen minutes in, you are getting the loser’s edit. I’m going to miss you.
“Short but not slutty.” Good idea, Anthony. We do not want any “tootie” showing. I love you for saying that you “wish [Seth Aaron] would stop…” and not being a bitch about it. If only people on reality shows were more like grownups! “Did you smoke anything besides a cigarette when you went outside?” Anthony, can we have lunch sometime? I’ll even buy. Oh, honey– that sketch looks like something that Hollywood Montrose would like. (Can we have a Mannequin reunion, please?)
I like Ben. He could very well sneak into the top 5… “The magenta is looking fuchsia.” Heaven forbid!! “Madame Butterfly on acid” is fine, but I hope that Carefree bubblegum pink doesn’t make it into the final look.
Janeane: figure out your color story before you go shopping! Dude. Also, this “spewing out factor” (thanks, Tim) is going to look sort of strange on Heidi. What is Janeane going to do when Anna is gone? It seems that Anna functions as a sort of touchstone for her, at least in terms of seeing her as a kindred spirit. We need to get Janeane something to smoke outside “other than a cigarette” (thanks, Anthony!)…maybe it’d calm her down.
Jesse seems to be containing his murderous rage pretty well…so far. (We are nine minutes in.)
Seth Aaron is (thankfully) not this season’s Jeffrey Sebelia, but should stop his singing in the workroom before I change my tune. (See what I did there? Yeah, I’m sorry.)
Jonathan, you may actually be a jerk, but at least you are funny about it. (Witness the exchange between him and Anna: “Are you making a dress?” “No, I’m making a spacesuit.”)
Emilio, you are pretty badass– and fairly awesome at following not-Tilda’s advice about putting extra detain above the waist. I hope this works out for you.
Where is Amy? She’s participating in this challenge, right?
Um, does anyone else think that Maya’s look this week is really reminiscent of the look from her partner challenge (with Jay)?