So, here is why I am a faux-bitchy bride: we are having an “adults-only” wedding–with the single exception of one of my cousins who is five years old (her two younger siblings will be hangin’ with the babysitter on Wedding Night). I thought we would be able to avoid the ol’ Surprise Additional Guest trick by addressing invitations only to those people we were inviting to the wedding, but there were of course a few add-on boyfriends and plus-ones. (For what it’s worth, the add-ons were all people that we’ve met, and there are only two of them, so I feel ok about them coming.)
Enter the friends of GP who have one-year-old twins. They live on the other side of the country, they have “misplaced” the invitation that we sent to them (which, p.s., was addressed only to them), and emailed GP to let him know that they were “planning on bringing the girls so that everyone could ooh and aah over them.” CUE THE TEARING OUT OF HAIR. First, we aren’t having more than this one child at our wedding. Second, we didn’t invite your– surely delightful, but who can say for sure– kids. Third, (and this is where I sound like the crazy bitch that I usually am not) we are not having our wedding for people to be able to gasp over how adooooorable your kids are. Believe it or not, we’re having a wedding so that we can publicly display the promises we will make that day. Not so that we can meet your fricking kids.
I hate being in the position of Bitchy Bride Who Clearly Hates Your Kids and Only Wants Her Wedding to Be About Her (or BBWCHYKOWHWBAH, if you want to be brief about it), and I hate that there is no “nice” way to resolve this. GP drafted an email telling them that we aren’t planning on having any super-young kids at the wedding and would gladly help them find a babysitter, so we’ll see what happens. I’m sure these friends are nice and all, but I’m worried that all I’ll be able to think when I meet them is, “Oh, nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Entitled Parents. You are so, so ridiculous.”
/end rant. Feel free to call me a bitch.