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Monthly Archives: May 2009

Kentucky Grilled FAIL

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After coming home from the internship to write (count ’em) seventeen pages (in Verdana, inclusive of title page, abstract, and references…) about faculty status and tenure for academic librarians (are you asleep yet?), I was in the mood for a dinner that involved: a) minimal work for me, b) ingredients that would potentially be harmful to my cardiovascular health, and c) chicken. Because I like my proteins either in dairy or chicken form. As luck would have it, I had heard that KFC was running a coupon for their new Kentucky Grilled Chicken, and that (with sides included!) fulfilled all of my dinner criteria.

Even after I read this, I was cocky enough to think that it wouldn’t happen to me. I offered to download the ridiculous coupon printer thingie and take a screenshot so that GP could print it at work (he’s wary of downloads onto Big Computer Company’s machines) and pick up dinner on his way home. All I have to say about that is…MASSIVE FAIL. Upon downloading the ridiculous (and completely unnecessary) coupon-printing application, I was told, “Sorry! You have already printed this coupon the number of times allowed.” Was the “number of times allowed” ZERO? Why was it so hard to get some chicken?

After calling their customer satisfaction number and getting a busy signal (which, wtf), I resigned myself to sending a scathing email through an online form. This is what the poor bastard who has to read these things will have to go through:

“I tried calling your Customer Satisfaction line, but it was busy. Nice.

I know I am not the first to make this comment (it has been, by this time, widely publicized), but I did want to add my voice to the many complaining about how customer-unfrie

ndly your coupon for free Kentucky Grilled Chicken is. First of all, asking someone to download a “coupon printer” is just ridiculous. RIDICULOUS. Second, once someone has downloaded your ridiculous coupon printer, it is reasonable to expect the printer to…you know, function. Instead, I was greeted with a message that told me that I had exceeded the maximum amount of prints allowed for an IP address. Was the maximum zero? Thanks to your huge and needless usability and customer service error, my fiance and I will be having Boston Market tonight, and recommending that our friends fulfill their chicken needs elsewhere.”

I know that I am making a bigger deal out of this than is necessary, but come on, KFC. Oprah talked about this– you had to anticipate some volume. Next time, design a non-shitty way to get people to come in to your store.

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Frustration Friday

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Fair warning: if you don’t want to hear about my wedding problems-that-might-not-be/seem-like-real-problems, you’re welcome to skip today’s post. I am feeling like Crazy Wedding Lady today, which is extra upsetting because I have been working pretty hard not to be her. At the very least, it’s tiring.

Wedding “problem” the first: The Tasting.
The menu that we have chosen for the wedding is what qualifies as “mid-range” at our venue, with passed appetizers during our champagne cocktail hour, whatever salad we end up choosing, four entree choices, and a cake. I love that the cake is included, and it was pretty easy to select what we wanted. I am happy that we will have passed appetizers, so that people can mingle while the reception is being set up (in the same space as our ceremony, so we’ll see how that goes). As our date creeps ever closer (163 days, what the hell), I thought it would be a good idea to try to set up a tasting, so I emailed the “new” catering director (the old one had retired, unexpectedly. Maybe there was some sort of catering coup?) to see what we needed to do. She replied to my email, telling me that a tasting could be arranged for two people (rather than the at-least-three that we will need), and that these two people could taste two appetizers and two entrees. Now, I am not a math whiz…but that is half of our total entrees. We are not paying $85 a head for me to have tasted half of the fricking food. When I brought this up in a recent in-person meeting, she said they would “see what they can do.” I hope that “what they can do” is let us sample the food we’re paying for…or someone is going to get slapped.

Wedding “problem” the second: The Room Block
I was excited to plan the wedding in a hotel, not just because this particular hotel is cool, all historic and art-deco-y, but also for the major convenience factor. Just imagine– our out-of-town people might not even have to get cars! Ceremony, reception, brunch…all at the same place! How exciting. My stepfather, being an excellent haggler, looked into the rates for blocks of rooms at the hotel back in January, and was quoted two fairly decent prices, one that included breakfast and one that did not. When I inquired a few days ago about the prices (not knowing that StepDan had already asked), I was quoted prices that were…higher. Not astronomical, but…higher. I was also told that all of our guests would have to be at the same rate– that is, we would have to decide whether all of them would be required to pay the rate that included breakfast, or have to pay $14 per person extra for the breakfast. Now, I have never worked in a hotel, so maybe this is more complicated than I think…but how hard is it to allow people to pay two different rates, that allow for different amenities? I’m sure that regular guests do this all the time, right?

Overarching wedding “problem”: Am I a Crazy Person?
My biggest issue (or, if you are as Completely Over Planning Your Wedding as I am, and just want to Be Married and Go On a Honeymoon) is that this woman is in charge of basically my entire wedding day. Sure, we are hiring hair and makeup people, a photographer, a dj/pianist, and a florist, but at the end of the day, she is the Boss of the Space. She could be licking my cake, or cutting off my pigtails while I’m taking a spelling test, or whatever other evil things her mind might come up with. I have worked in customer service, so I get that there is likely a good deal of annoyance with Certain Customers. But I’m trying really hard not to be Certain Customers! I need some consistency, and reasonable accommodation with regard to preliminary wedding stuff. Jebus lady, just let me taste all my food and not charge my flying-across-the-country-in-a-shit-economy guests eleventy billion dollars to eat a breakfast they don’t want. Is it possible to assertively ask for the things that I think I reasonably deserve without being seen as Crazy Bitch Bride?

I know you have opinions, internets…lay them on me.