Hello again, lovelies! So, the Target trip went well– I got out of there for under $100, which is a rare treat for me recently. I can’t stop once I get started, but luckily the Target is now trying this thing with Dresses That Are Large and Should Fit Like a Dream, But Are Still Meant for the Skinny. It is, in short, not cool. Why, if there is all this extra fabric, is there still thigh clingage? I know I am not morbidly obese, so let’s not give a girl a seizure right there in the dressing room, mmkay?
At any rate, here is what I ended up with:
You know, to wear to the disco and stuff. Also, I love my gold flats, and needed some extra-sassy strappy heels for this barrage of weddings that I’m having to attend in the next year or so. That, or I need something to fling next to my purse when my blisters have become too much to bear and I have had enough G&T’s to consider going barefoot on a hotel dance floor. You know, either way.
Slightly more sensible, though I do have fantasies of traipsing around Paris in these. Would there be much laughter, do you think? They are much cuter on, than in this picture, if that helps matters; the bow is much more whimsical in person.
Now, I would not call myself a full-figured gal, not even voluptuous– I am a size 8, perfectly normal, thankyouverymuch. But there are all these weddings! Where there will be cameras! And I don’t wish to be remembered as That Girl With a Fat Ass Who Looked Slightly Pregnant. That is where the hilariously named “Assets” body shaper comes in. It will give me the silhouette that only regular exercise (or $20 at Target) could, and I won’t have to give up cheese! Please note that I will not be wearing only this with red heels to any of the aforementioned weddings. Only GP will be lucky enough to see that hotness.
Oh, and finally– this is what I didn’t buy. It was very hard to put down, so I feel that some congratulations are in order:
I mean, come on! Would I not look adorable gallivanting about with this tucked under my arm? I would, of course, wear my too-big-for-my-face sunglasses, in an effort to appear as gamine as possible. Had I bought it, I would certainly be taking it with me when I go to the free-burrito festivities as they open a new Chipotle in town…! Because eating a delicious meal, all nicely arranged and wrapped in a warm tortilla for your very own eating pleasure? Is always in style. It’s the food equivalent of layering, or something.