RSS Feed

Monthly Archives: February 2008

What might have been

Posted on

Here’s an exchange that only partially took place today…
GP: Move your shoes! We have to get everything off the floor!
Me: Sorry, I don’t wear the same pair of shoes every day. Some people have more than three pairs, you know…

I pick up the shoes, and put them on the couch so that the carpet cleaners can clean allll the carpet, rather than leaving little size eight spots of dirty on the floor. Yay for free annual carpet cleaning by the apartment complex! (I suppose it’s not “free,” considering they raised our rent the maximum legal amount when we renewed the lease, but whatever, California is expensive)

GP: Well, you don’t wear the same pair of underwear every day, and yet somehow that doesn’t end up all over the living room floor!
Me: Hmph.

For those who are bad at guessing games, the penultimate line of that conversation didn’t take place. It occurred to GP in the shower following my departure for work, but I am making it up to him by posting it, for all the interblag to see.

What do you find yourself leaving all over the house?

Sorry, it’s Tuesday

Posted on

…so all you get are some lists, and that’s really only courtesy of Dan and Stylish Handwriting. Without further ado, I give you…

My Top 10 Memory(-Provoking) Songs
– WARNING: My actual musical tastes are better than this list might suggest, but the songs are still evocative. So shut up about it, already.
10. “Te Aviso, Te Anuncio,” Shakira. I bet you didn’t know that I was pretty fluent in Spanish. (Wait, did I include that in the 100 Things? Oh well…) Well, turns out I am, and this is the song that I would sing to myself in a small Spanish voice after I sneaked out of my parents’ house and drove to my older “boyfriend’s” house during my senior year of high school. It was a time of poorly-thought decisions, but I still really enjoy the song, mostly because it lets me be bilingual and sing really loudly in the car.
9. “El Tango de Roxanne,” Ewan McGregor. Again, Spanish, although it’s sung in English, by a Scotsman. It was on an unfortunate mix-CD that I made in high school for the future Young Republican, even more unfortunately titled “The We-Mix.” Sorry, everyone.
8. “Answering Machine,” Matt Nathanson. I’m not sorry that this one will always be in my Top 10 List– it was my first Big College Music Discovery, and he’s still one of my favorites. That, and you’re guaranteed at least one Journey cover at each of his concerts!
7. “Let’s Get Loud,” Jennifer Lopez. Hear me out. It’s not so much about the song as it is the circumstances– junior year of college, and my friends and I were dead tired and a little punchy from days and days of “conversation workshops,” because some sorority girls don’t know how not to ask inappropriate questions. The group Fate’s Baby (yeah, genius name, I know) was born (sorry!), and its debut dance was choreographed to this tune, complete with moves such as The Sprinkler, The Indian, and The Fish Out of Water.
6. “Hey Driver,” Lucky Boy’s Confusion. Road trips. Singalongs. Enough said.
5. “You Shook Me All Night Long,” AC/DC. Look, I was in a sorority in college. And we all know that gin and tonics + fraternity boyfriend + AC/DC = embarrassing photographs. Good thing the evidence has been destroyed, or otherwise lost track of. (Sorry about the dangling participle!)
4. “Second That Emotion,” Smokey Robinson. I was at the birthday party of someone I didn’t know, with a boy with whom I was completely infatuated. The song came on, and I knew enough to hum along… Love the song, not so much the boy.
3. “Lover, You Should Have Come Over,” Jeff Buckley. Only when I was twenty-one would I have been content to share a twin bed and a single set of iPod headphones with someone night after night. Now, I insist on my own headphones and half of no less than a double bed (though we have a queen, and getting a king in a hotel is paradise).
2. “Chocolate,” Snow Patrol. The first song that I thought of as “mine and GP’s.” I’m not sure what the current one is, and I can’t see us dancing to Snow Patrol at our wedding, but at the time, it was a song that reminded me of him every time I heard it.
1. “Can’t Help Falling in Love With You,” Elvis. In the early days of Me and GP, I “cleverly” alluded to this song in a blog post title. Because I am so crafty, and it worked! I managed to worm my way into his heart. Also, I am really cheesy.

Because I love to make lists, you get this one, too…

Top Five Movies (we’ll just say that this is “of all time,” not necessarily evocative of anything even though there are distinct memories attached to each), not listed in order of my affections…
5. “Drop Dead Gorgeous,” at times awesomely bad, and consistently laugh-like-a-crazy-person funny. If you haven’t, you should check it out– even the usually-annoying Kirsten Dunst manages to make it work.
4. “Love, Actually,” which I saw in the theater, twice. I cried, within the first five minutes, each time and nearly every time thereafter. Despite wanting to slap Keira Knightley every time I see her, I adore this movie. Also, I am unabashedly a “girl” about this movie, as I am about very few others.
3. “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation,” which is a Serious Christmas Tradition in my family. The day after Thanksgiving is the typical first viewing, and we usually watch it at least three times between then and Christmas. It’s a large part of the basis for the secret twin language that my brother and I speak.
2. “High Fidelity,” which I think is one of the best “based on the novel” films that I’ve seen. True to Nick Hornby’s hilarious book, and contains several lists, which appeals to my list-loving (self-evident, no?) personality. One cannot go wrong with John Cusack, and this made was before Jack Black became a caricature of Every Role Jack Black Has Ever Played.
1. tie – “Spellbound” and “Wordplay,” because I am nerdy enough to love documentaries and completely willing to “own” it. Because I love words as well as competition and puzzles, these two are bound to be on any Top Random Number List of Movies I Love.

Honorable Mentions: The Queen, Good Night and Good Luck, Waiting for Guffman, Before Sunrise, Shakespeare in Love, Muriel’s Wedding, Hedwig and the Angry Inch.

What movies and songs do you love? Are there songs or books that are evocative of certain moments in your life? Can you even wait until I make my Favorite Books list?

Return of SNL!

Posted on

I decided to do a Tivo “live”-blog of the first Saturday Night Live after the end of the writer’s strike. I figured that since I was watching it and commenting aloud, maybe the internet would enjoy the commentary as well. It may well become a regular feature, so any and all feedback is welcome, but please be constructive!

Cold open: CNN Democratic Debate sketch pretty accurately captures everyone’s Obamania…I will admit that I’m part of it. Yeah, shut up.

Ahhh! Tina Fey! I love just about everything about her, including her cute little black dress. Good job calling it “aught-seven.” (Totally something I do– I’m hoping it will catch on) Hitting her with the boom microphone is a little silly, since there probably isn’t a writer holding it. I suppose, however, that when there were no writers, the crew was out of work as well. Ok then, we’re glad everyone’s back!
Oh! Steve Martin shows up, as he is wont to do. GP says, “Isn’t he, like, 80?” He probably is. Let’s see…he’s this old. Hey, Steve Martin, don’t bring up the Spanx. Sometimes they’re necessary! I like the “I can do it!” routine, mostly because of my deep-seated Tina Fey love, which you may remember from a couple sentences ago.

Fake commercial for once-a-year period birth control (Seasonale parody). Is that Katie Holmes? Is that Fergie? Who is that girl? Haha, periods are awful. I like that they kept the hot pink accents throughout the horrifying period montage.

Rock of Love parody…is this really going to be more ridiculous than the actual Rock of Love? Woo! Every rose does have its thorn. GP loves Kristen Wiig, and there’s my lady Tina Fey, nearly unrecognizable in a blonde wig and huge lips. Amy Poehler as a one-legged suitorette, reprising the role from a previous…Rock of Love(?) parody. That other girl looks more like Fergie than Katie Holmes, on second thought, and she’s wearing a cross, which is pretty typical of some of the Rock of Love ladies. Some of them do love baby Jesus! I enjoy Jason Sudeikis, but at times his mannerisms remind me of SNL-era Will Ferrell, but it may just be because he plays George W., too. This sketch went on for about 90 seconds more than it needed to.

A message for old people, being confused and scared at today’s movies because they don’t know any of the actors in them—these kids nowadays! The man’s wife has put his grandsons in contemporary movies, and the effect is marginally funny. Andy Samberg and Bill Heder are the grandsons, decoding the language for grandpa and waving as they march across scenes of There Will Be Blood and others. The Transforming Robots (instead of Transformers)—love it! That’s definitely a “grandparent” way to describe it. Faces of the grandsons are superimposed onto the dvd covers, with hilarity that is equal to the general humor of superimposition (about a 3, out of 10, depending on context). You can find these dvds at the store! Old people are funny, this sketch made me chuckle a couple times.

“What’s That Bitch Talking About?” game show. The contestants are Tina Fey playing a person who looks like Tina Fey (and is an “editorial assistant,” so…she’s a writer playing a lower-level writer?) and Bill Heder, for the prize of a “canary yellow Mazda Protégé.” The first challenge is Amy Poehler on a cell phone, we hear only one side of the conversation…yeah, this is pretty lame. First point goes to Tina. Mystery woman shouting in a Southern accent (this woman may actually be a bitch, technically)…point to Tina, again. The answers are very detailed. Kristen Wiig saying, “Okay, okay, okay…” into a phone at regular intervals…Tina wins again! Bill Heder wins the consolation prize, the home game—with Ann Coulter, the Queen, Whitney Houston, and that idiotic Miss Teen USA chick who doesn’t know shit about maps. Tina goes to the bonus round, answering, “Who does that bitch think she is?” The queen of Sheba, my dad, and Heidi freakin’ Klum win Tina the Protégé and a free gallon of gasoline. Pretty solid, as it relied on some good variations for laughs, rather than trying to hit the same spot over and over.

Carrie Underwood. Skip. I like her and all (cute dress for “the box social,” says GP), but this is generally what I do during musical guests. Sorry, musical guests.

Weekend Update! Lead story is the NYT/John McCain scandal. (I just realized that I can’t transcribe each joke, so you’re stuck with what makes me laugh, sorry) Fidel Castro resigns—“quitter.” Seth Myers, can we go out for French toast sometime? The Devil Frog—as terrifying as it sounds? Is that thing even real? Mike Huckabee shows up to explain why he’s still hanging around the race, and explains that he doesn’t believe in “mathematical impossibility,” just like he doesn’t believe in “evolution,” “homosexuality,” and “gravity.” Seth clears things up…wouldn’t it be great if Huckabee dropped out of the race on SNL? But it’s not gonna happen. Just when is he going to drop out of the race with “grace and class”? Huckabee overstays his welcome, again. I see the word “kitten” and am intrigued. It pays off! Hip-hop kitten! Mattew McCounaghey promotes D&G fragrance, shirtless. I never really saw why he was attractive, he just seems so grubby. Women’s News with Tina Fey—it’s a great time to be a lady in America! LiLo does NY magazine, looks different and old; more strokes are happening to older women; Kirstie Alley has “not” regained the weight she lost on Jenny Craig. She’s a Scientologist? Also, Hillary Clinton is running for the presidential nomination…and yet women vote for Barack because Oprah told them to. I have to say, I love Bill and Hillary, and yet I voted for Obama. I hope that Hillary ends up being the vice-president, though. Bitches doget stuff done! Weekend Update, I think I’ve missed you most of all. Also, I think that this is where the writing really shines.

NBC “commercial,” Celebrity Apprentice, another Celebrity Apprentice. Jaleel White went to UCLA! Awesome. There’s that girl again! Also, “dingle-dangle” is a funny way to talk about anatomy, and Rachael Ray is annoying, but not that annoying. Another Celebrity Apprentice with marginal “celebrities,” and even another one with the Question Mark Guy and the old dude from the Six Flags commercials.

Drunk bridesmaid gives a teary toast at a wedding reception, chugs champagne. Best man is Midwestern and shouty (Jason Sudeikis sounding like Will Ferrell’s Harry Caray, later seeming sort of like Chris Farley in his timing and delivery), and I know it’s a parody, but it’s as uncomfortable as I imagine some receptions must be. I am tired of this sketch already, and its only been about a minute. If I were watching this live, this would be the point at which I decide to go to bed.

“Sick of the airport?” Virgania Horsen’s Hot Air Balloon Rides, where you get to be alone in a balloon with this strange woman (whose name I thought was “vagina,” and had to rewind to make sure that I was hearing/spelling it properly). Lame. The first week back from the strike, and we get this? If you’re going to throw me a low-production-value commercial parody, at least make it as good as the “Marble Columns” one with Scarlett Johansson (that I wish I could link to, but seems to have disappeared).

“Food Network—porn for fat people.” Two characters from There Will Be Blood (played by Bill Heder and Amy Poehler), talking about milkshakes. I think this will be funnier if I had seen the movie…but we’ll see. They drink a milkshake with a huge straw. It’s not really even as funny as it sounds. The guy from No Country for Old Men joins them as a special guest, and “Daniel Day-Lewis” (Bill Heder) freaks out and repeats some lines that I assume are from the movie. Lame. This is why I Tivo SNL, see? Bleep bloop.

Fake movie preview.* Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are two women who (I will assume) ultimately become friends despite their differences, one of them is pregnant, and I would totally go see this movie if it were real. It couldn’t be any stupider than Knocked Up, and I mean that in the nicest way possible. The movie, by the way, is called Baby Mama. Wait, is this real? It’s followed by a regular commercial. This is really confusing.

Carrie Underwood again. She is wearing, as far as I can tell, a vest, jeans, and over-the-knee boots. She’s also wearing enormous hoop earrings and a leather cuff that has to be 6 inches wide. It’s pretty fug. I do, however, kind of dig the song because it has fiddle, and I’m ok with that.

Lady Business, a parody of all the Pink Jungle Cashmere Mafia business. Man, I miss Sex and the City. This is why I’m nervous about the SATC movie: it’s become such a caricature of itself, especially since they started to syndicate it and there began to be “What Sex and the City Character are you?” applications on Facebook and whatnot. I think it’s a really well-written show with a lot of heart (it’s made me cry, even upon repeat viewings of the same episodes), but I’m afraid that the freshness that made it so special and of-its-time will have worn off by the time it hits theaters.

Don Pardo is 90! This is insane. That cake is insane. Everyone seems very exuberant and happy to be back in Studio 8H.

Overall, a solid B. Nothing made me scream with laughter, but I watched every sketch all the way through. With Tivo, it’s pretty tempting to just be like, “see ya!” so I feel like SNL worked it out. Welcome back, friends!

P.S. They’re bringing quarterlife to actual tv? Interesting. Having never seen it, please advise. Is it worth my time?

P.P.S. Casey Wilson, you’re welcome. I read just about every article that came up when I googled you. You are quite funny, and I’m sorry that I said you look like Fergie.

* Upon review, it turns out this movie is real. I apologize—I was really only paying about 40% attention when I first saw it. I am definitely going to see this, mostly because of my residual guilt at not voting for Hillary Clinton, as well as my deep and abiding love for Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. I will only be a little disappointed when it turns out to be pretty bad.

Internets Saturday!

Posted on

Another thing I can do from my couch is scour the interwebs for things that will make me hyperventilate from hysterical laughter. Most recently via Dooce, I give you…How to Care for Baby! As GP is writing his thesis on safety signage at amusement parks, I’m thinking that he should probably find a way to include these. See? I’m quite helpful, really.

College Basketball Saturday!

Posted on

While John Wooden won’t be coaching my Bruins this afternoon as they tear the Oregon Ducks a new one, he will most likely be in attendance. Watching the game from my couch in Northern California isn’t as fun as screaming my butt off from the student section in Pauley, but I’ll still be wearing my Den shirt.

In progress

Posted on

Since I’m spent from creating a “100 Things” list, I’ll keep everyone entertained with a New York Times article about punctuation, a subject near and dear to my heart.

ETA: Thanks for the heads-up, James! The link should be working now…

100 things

Posted on

Nearly every blog that I’ve discovered and immediately loved recently has had this feature, and, what can I say, I love to feel like I belong. I’m pretty sure that this will take me at least a week to get through, but I’m willing to suffer through it– all for the sake of my six (an optimistic number) readers!

1. When asked, I will tell you that I grew up in the SF Bay Area. This, to me, is mostly true, despite the fact that my first ten years were spent in the Central Valley. Formative years, however, including the ever-popular Surly Teenage Years, were spent in the good old Silicon Valley.

2. I can’t honestly say that I am either a Dog Person or a Cat Person, because I’m both. I am, however, not a fish, rodent, reptile, or amphibian person. I just don’t see the appeal. Dogs are cute. Cats are cute. Other animals, on a domestic level, are completely unappealing.

3. I find it hard to reconcile my disdain for much of celebrity culture and my adoration of gossip. Rarely do people like you or I grocery shop with such fanfare! I don’t know that that makes me envious or grateful to be “average.” See? Conflicted!

4. If I could be anything when I grow up (and money, skills, location, and education weren’t factors), I would be a pastry chef, a magazine editor, an architect, or an event planner. I will probably end up being a librarian (because that’s what my Master’s will be centered around…), and that’s ok with me, too.

5. When I was a child, I would make elaborate “blueprints” of my future home(s). I wish that I could find them, because I’m sure they were pretty great.

6. The second I started college, I began to get along better with my parents. Surly Teenage Years, indeed.

7. Although I didn’t give it much thought at the time, I am really glad that I went to a Division 1 university. Besides all that education business, I also finally learned to understand football (at the Rose Bowl, no less!), and to call the basketball players by their first names (something that I still manage to do, even though I don’t get to attend 2 games a week like I used to).

8. If you sit next to me while I’m watching a basketball game, you will think that I am a crazy person. You would not be wrong, as it’s probably not healthy to be as interested in college basketball as I am.

9. I only applied to colleges in California. Along with out-of-state tuition, I always figured that I’d go to grad school outside the state in which I grew up. Turns out I was wrong about that…

10. All my life, I have attended public schools, from kindergarten through when I complete my yet-to-be-started Master’s degree. However, I am conflicted about where I want my (hypothetical) children to go to school, given the state of California public education.

11. I love to paint my own fingernails. And, if I may say so, I do a fairly good job at it– I have very solid fine motor skills! However, I loathe painting my toenails. Totally worth the money to have someone else do it.

12. I have few qualms about most DIY beauty procedures. This alarms many, probably my mother most of all.

13. I adore board games, but can rarely find people willing to play with me. This may have something to do with the fact that I tend to be uber-competitive.

14. I hate to play Monopoly. I am always the one who “ruins” the game by wanting to quit after half an hour.

15. Speaking of competitive, the biggest competition in which I was ever involved was a state spelling bee. Had I not been nine years old at the time, I’m pretty sure that I wouldn’t have stumbled during “hypocrisy” (no self-correction allowed? What the hell.)

16. I can’t have a favorite color. I can’t make myself pick just one, not being past the age of fourteen. But, if clothing is any indication, I am partial to black…and whatever sort of blue my Jeans of the Day happen to be.

17. I played the violin for seven years, from fifth grade up until junior year of high school. Senior year and a new director got the best of me, but I can still read music like nobody’s business.

18. My senior year of high school, I participated in my school’s annual Improv Night. I must confess that I cheated at the “go to the other room offstage, then come back onstage and guess what the other people are pretending to be” game. How was I supposed to guess that she was an amorous unicorn?

19. I was raised to be a Democrat. Both of my parents are in unions, and I once made up a song (during an election year, when politics were the only thing on the tv at any given time) about how one should vote Democratic because they invented democracy. What? Dukakis was Greek. Poor guy.

20. I am envious of people that have distinct cultural heritage. My largest “fraction” is British, so I embrace that by drinking tea, being obsessed with manners, and generally acting disdainful.

21. Sometimes I can’t remember what I did before DVR. And then I remember…Food and Style Networks, alllll the time. So, pretty much a less controlled version of what I watch now.

22. My brother and I speak a secret twin language that consists of terrible movie and old SNL quotes, despite the fact that we are not, in fact, twins.

23. My brother is about 6’4″, my mom is 5’10”, and my dad is 6′ tall. I, however, am (at most) 5’6″. On a Tall Day.

24. All of the kids in my family are perfectly spaced, with three years between each. I, being the eldest, generally get to be The Boss, and that’s ok with me.

25. I was in a sorority in college, something that no one, least of all me, saw coming.

26. I have numerous t-shirts to prove the above. I am, however, reluctant to wear most of them in public.

27. I haven’t had a landline phone for six years. Whaaaat? It’s like I’m from the future!

28. I can’t bring myself to get rid of my 310 area code. It’s the thing that I’m least willing to get rid of from my college years.

29. I like puns more than I am generally willing to admit, and enjoy constructing/finding them where/whenever I can, much to the chagrin of my friends and loved ones.

30. I never used to cry in front of anyone, ever. Now, I cry at pet food commercials. What the hell, Pedigree?

31. Grammar and spelling are a big deal to me, probably inordinately so. Really, though, is it so hard not to end a sentence with “at”?

32. Out of all the punctuation marks, I’d have to say my favorite one is the comma. No pretense, like the semicolon, and not as abrupt as the period. Simply a graceful swoop, allowing the rambly writer to create unwieldy periodic sentences.

33. One of the reasons GP and I are together is because he was able to distinguish himself with both spelling and grammar.

34. If one were to check, at any given moment, there are at least six lip-related products in my purse. I don’t wear lipstick or anything regularly, but boy do I love to buy it!

35. If time, money, and work schedules were no object, I could easily spend nine months out of every year traveling.

36. I insist on being home for Christmas. Even though I’m not particularly religious or even traditional, the thought of waking up in a bed that isn’t mine on Christmas morning makes my skin crawl.

37. My favorite quote in the world is this: “We want to be rich, to be admired, to eat like a horse and be skinny as a snake, to have small children ask for our autographs, to be on terrific medications that make us calm and witty and sexy, to be able to give George Bush a piece of our minds, to sing Irving Berlin and Gershwin and Porter at the Oak Room and be described in the Times as “luminous,” but in the absence of all that, it’s enough to be loved.” -Garrison Keillor

38. I am good at opening champagne. I am very good at drinking champagne.

39. Words with “-aic” suffixes seem elegant to me, for some reason. Archaic, algebraic…these words seem, to me, like the linguistic equivalent of champagne flutes. I didn’t say it made sense.

40. Punctuality is a big deal for me, even though I am late sometimes/often.

41. One of my high school math teachers used to include “always/sometimes/never” sections on his tests. I like to think that there are many life situations in which I can apply these same rules– for instance, “Always have Splenda on hand,” “Sometimes restock the purse supply at Starbucks,” “Never take more than a fistful– that’s going too far.”

42. It is impossible for me to enjoy drinking cool/cold liquid from a mug. That sort of vessel/content dissonance does not sit well with me.

43. I can’t drive a stick shift.

44. I’m not sure that I want to learn how to do so.

45. I have been basically continuously employed since the age of 16. My longest stretch of unemployment was about 4 months in college, during which I strangely missed waking up at 4:30 to go to work.

46. During my senior year of college, I lived across the street from an enormous cemetery. Walking to my 5:00am shift was often more than a little creepy.

47. One of my greatest skills is appearing to be “on.” It came in handy when I worked in retail and during sorority recruitment, and when I was finally complimented on it, I was a little ashamed.

48. My first international trip was to England with my uncles when I was 12. It was then that I learned to “properly” wield a fork and knife and deal with public transportation, and I was in seventh heaven for the entire two weeks.

49. I wish that I had been able to go abroad during college. Instead, I chose not to live for a third year in my sorority house. I can’t say that I feel I made the wrong choice.

50. I am really good with names, sometimes in a way that creeps me out. Shouldn’t I be using my brain for more valuable things?

51. My first job out of college required the above skill. No joke, I had to take a test on all the names of the kids and the parents. I rocked the hell out of that thing.

52. My first job out of college helped me decide that I can never be a teacher. It also helped me decide that there are a lot of people that have kids, but really shouldn’t.

53. I will remember some of those kids and parents for the rest of my life.

54. I am most flattered when people call me “articulate.”

55. Even though it’s mostly because I use words that have no place in everyday conversation.

56. When I am a grownup, I will own a beagle named Samuel. He will be named after Coleridge, but will probably not be addicted to opium.

57. I giggle every time I read the word “pantisocracy.” I wish I had more opportunities to use it.

58. I like to cook. I love to bake.

59. GP likes most of what I bake. He loves most of what I cook.

60. I am generally nervous about swimming in the ocean, mostly because of all the creatures.

61. I love to go to aquariums. They do nothing to help me with my “swimming in the ocean” fear.

62. Living within less than an hour’s driving distance to the ocean makes me feel calm. Not because I love laying in the sun, or even because of the sound. It’s just nice to know that I’m so close to something that is so much bigger than I am.

63. It makes me nervous to even think of living in a state that does not have any ocean touching it.

64. I enjoy making awkward situations more awkward by commenting on the awkwardness. Sometimes, it’s a good strategy to defuse some of the tension. Other times, not so much.

65. Because of my Dad, I have the ability to talk to just about anyone. I am not yet old enough to be That Lady That Talks to You in the Grocery Store just yet, though.

66. My real-life superpower is that I can read really quickly. It was hell on my parents when I was a kid, before I was financially independent or could take myself to the library. Now, I am beginning to realize the value of keeping only the books I really love.

67. Among those books that I really love is The Norton Anthology of English Literature. I call it the NAEL.

68. Seriously. I will pass those volumes on to my grandchildren, marginalia and all.

69. One of my favorite poems is called Marginalia.

70. I am semi-fluent in Spanish, and can sometimes fake my way through reading or listening to French.

71. I wish that I had had the opportunity to take Latin in school.

72. I can speak both Mac and PC, but currently own a PC because I am a brokeass. Pretty costs money, you know…

73. I suffer from near-instantaneous road rage. It begins nearly the second I get behind the wheel. Wait, scratch that. It’s not so much a rage as it is a constant stream of sarcastic commentary about my fellow drivers.

74. “Oh yeah, do that. Do exactly that. Why would I want you to signal. No no, I like to be surprised by your big, idiot pickup truck turn, you moron!”

75. It’s a very attractive trait.

76. I would rather skydive than bungee jump.

77. I like to think that I have above-average map-reading skills and sense of direction.

78. I love surprises, but am too big of a self-surprise-ruiner to ever be truly surprised.

79. Congratulations if you understood the above sentence.

80. My lucky/favorite number is 22. I suppose I could have mentioned this earlier.

81. I often dream of losing one or both shoes. I’m sure that has some sort of “meaning,” but I’m satisfied thinking that it means that I value my shoes overabundantly.

82. My birthday is December 2. I was a month early. GP likes to say that it was the last time that I was ever early for anything. I like to tell him to shut it.

83. I love nearly all seasonal candy. Candy canes, Cadbury eggs, candy corn, even Peeps, which I will acknowledge are generally disgusting.

84. My most humiliating school moment was when I got a D on a paper I wrote for my History of Jazz class in college, about Billie Holiday’s “Strange Fruit.” I was appalled, mostly because the TA who graded it was a barely-literate banjo player. Not that I’m bitter or anything.

85. I refuse to abbreviate my speech in text or instant messages. You will read everything I have to say, in its entirety! And there will be no “ur”-ing. Maybe a “wtf,” but that’s because I’m trying to slow down on the cursing.

86. I am rarely without a hair elastic around one of my wrists.

87. I used to be scared of elevators. This might have had to do with the time that I got my hand caught in one. Not allfears are unfounded and/or irrational.

88. I feel like kind of a jackass writing things like “and/or.”

89. I feel like more of a jackass when I say things like “and/or.”

90. I cannot stand words that are intentionally misspelled. It’s not cute, friends.

91. I own three pairs of pink, high-heeled shoes. Each one kills my feet more than the last.

92. I once thought it would be a good idea to break in a pair of Frye boots on a trip to New York City. Turns out it wasn’t, and I ended up hobbling around in (fake) Uggs for the rest of my trip.

93. One of my favorite books as a kid was From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankenweiler. I loved the idea of living in a museum.

94. The first book that made me cry was Bridge to Terabithia. The book that made me cry most recently was A Thousan Splendid Suns.

95. I take inordinate pleasure in building Ikea furniture.

96. I have never gotten a speeding ticket or a parking ticket.

97. Socks are rarely any match for the level of foot-freezing I manage to muster.

98. I become alliterative when I am tired, frustrated, or punchy from writing too much.

99. When I was in college, I went to DC with my Dad to participate in a pro-choice march. It was truly one of the most awe-inspiring things in which I’ve ever taken part, and it makes me extra-proud to say I did it with my Dad, who is probably a bigger feminist than I am. Also, because we hate babies.

100. I’m a little bummed that the list is over. I retain the right to come in here and edit the hell out of this.